There are moments in life when we realize that some relationships are more draining than enriching. Whether it's a friend, family member, partner, or colleague, the truth is, there are people who can take all your energy, leaving you emotionally exhausted, anxious, and sometimes even walking on eggshells. This is toxic behavior. It’s easy to feel trapped in these dynamics, as if there’s no way out or it’s too hard to break free. But trust me when I say: it's possible. I’ve had to cut off toxic people myself, and I can tell you that doing so isn’t just a choice—it’s a necessary act of self-care, growth, and sometimes, survival.

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Recognizing Toxic People: How to Spot the Signs

The first step in cutting toxic people out of your life is knowing how to spot them. Toxic people come in all shapes and sizes, but they share some key traits:

•  Manipulative behavior: They twist situations to make you feel guilty or responsible for their emotions. Often, they want something you can provide—whether it’s attention, validation, money, or love. Sometimes it’s subtle, but if you notice a pattern of manipulation, pay attention. Of course, it’s normal to want things from people occasionally, but there’s a limit. Toxic people often cross that line.

•  Consistent negativity: Everything seems to be a problem. No matter how bright your day is, they’ll find a way to turn it into something negative. This can include talking badly about others, belittling you, lying, or constantly pointing out flaws. If their presence makes you feel drained or less than, it's a sign.

•  Gaslighting: They make you question your reality, subtly convincing you that you’re overreacting or crazy when in fact, you're not. If they tell you something happened or that you did something, and you don’t remember it or it doesn’t feel right, trust your gut. Don’t let them distort your perception.

•  Lack of empathy: They don’t care about your feelings, needs, or struggles. When you try to share your experiences, they quickly turn the conversation back to themselves. While everyone occasionally relates a story to connect, if this becomes a pattern and makes you feel negative, it’s time to reconsider the relationship.

•  Constant drama: If you’re constantly walking into emotional chaos, it's a red flag. Toxic people thrive on drama, and they’ll often add unnecessary "spice" to situations just to create chaos.

Spotting toxic people can be difficult, especially if you’ve known them for a long time. The manipulation can be subtle, and sometimes, you may even lie to yourself or misread the situation. But if you start paying attention to how you feel after spending time with them, the signs will become clearer.

The Hard Part: Letting Go

Letting go of toxic people is hard. It’s hard because humans are social creatures, and it can feel nearly impossible to break away from someone who’s been a part of your life—even if they've been the source of your pain. You may still love them, and that’s the hardest part. You don’t want to hurt them. But the truth is, sometimes love isn’t enough to keep a relationship healthy and happy.

You’ll likely feel guilt, doubt, and fear. What if they get mad? What if they guilt-trip you into staying? What if you regret it?

I get it. It’s not easy. It feels like you’re losing a part of yourself, like you’re betraying someone who was once important to you. But here’s the truth: you cannot pour from an empty cup. You only have so much love and energy to give. You need to focus on refilling your own cup before you can give to others. Healthy relationships are built on mutual love and respect. If someone keeps taking from you without giving back, you will end up drained, broken, and lost. Your well-being matters. You matter.

Establishing Healthy Boundaries

Setting boundaries with toxic people can be uncomfortable, especially since they might not respect them. They may push back, guilt-trip you, or manipulate you into thinking you’re being unreasonable. But setting and enforcing boundaries is essential for your emotional health. And, if they don’t respect your boundaries, that’s all the more reason to walk away.

One helpful resource I found for this is Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. Their insights can be invaluable, especially if you're navigating complex relationships with emotionally immature people. They delve into how to protect your space while still honoring yourself and others.

Here’s how to handle boundaries with grace:

• Be clear and direct: Toxic people thrive on confusion. The less clear you are, the more they can exploit you. Be assertive but calm. Let them know what behaviors are not acceptable and that you will no longer tolerate them.

• Make it about you: Rather than blaming or pointing fingers, focus on how their actions make you feel. Stick to “I feel…” statements instead of “You did this…” This keeps the conversation focused on your needs, not their faults.

• Stick to your guns: It’s easy to slip back into old patterns, especially with someone who’s been manipulative. But remember, your peace of mind comes first. Don’t back down.

• Be prepared for resistance: They may resist your boundaries. They might try to guilt you or make you feel bad for enforcing them. But remind yourself: this is for you, not them. You don’t need their approval to do what’s best for you.

• Protect your space: It’s okay to take a step back. You don’t need to explain or justify why you need space. It’s your right to create a safe environment for yourself.

Staying in Tune with Your Feelings

You know yourself better than anyone else. Even if it doesn’t feel that way right now or you’ve lost touch with your true self, there’s always a way to reconnect. Your feelings are powerful guides to what’s right for you. Another book that really opened my eyes to my true self and others was Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson. I will be honest I cried a lot during this read, opening my eyes to was actually going on around me was hard but important. The more in tune you are with your emotions, the easier it will be to spot when someone is negatively impacting you and how to grow as a result.

Take time to reflect on how you feel regularly. After talking to someone, check in with yourself. How do you feel? Do you feel drained, frustrated, or anxious? If you can’t put it into words, ask yourself: Where do I feel this? What does it feel like physically? Those emotions are trying to tell you something. If the answer is no—if you feel unsupported, unvalued, or unsafe—it’s time to reassess that relationship.Staying connected to yourself also means understanding that it’s okay to be selfish sometimes. Self-care isn’t selfish—it’s necessary. Cutting off toxic people isn’t about being cruel; it’s about honoring your worth and your mental health.

The Positive Shift: Creating Space for Growth

Yes, cutting toxic people out will be difficult. There will be moments of loneliness, and you may question whether you made the right decision. You might even lose people you’ve known for a long time, and tearing down something you’ve built can hurt. But here’s the thing: you can’t keep trying to grow a garden in polluted soil. You need to create space for healthy, positive relationships.

Over time, something beautiful happens. You begin to attract people who uplift you, support your growth, and care about you the way you deserve. You rediscover your peace. You reconnect with yourself. You become more in touch with your true self, and you gain the freedom to explore new interests, passions, and connections that align with your values and goals.

Most importantly, you begin to live in a way that honors your emotional, mental, and physical well-being. Cutting off toxic people is hard, but it’s a powerful act of self-love. You deserve to be surrounded by people who nurture you, not drain you. Trust yourself. Stand firm in your boundaries. And even if you don’t believe it yet, keep telling yourself that you deserve better. Eventually, your mind will catch up.

The path ahead is brighter, lighter, and filled with potential. Go for it.